8 Week Stats

Baby size:


Quarter!

Mama size: Haven't gained any weight but definite little pooch that never goes away. Am beginning to wear looser clothes at work just in case

Cravings: Bland food and any combo of carbs and dairy. Meat is ok occasionally but I never voluntarily want it. Got the go-ahead to eat sugar as long as I pack in the protein. I'm at a greater-than-usual risk for gestational diabetes so I need to really watch refined anything

Symptoms: Still tired and nauseous throughout the day. I have learned that getting in a run after work is impossible due to my general malaise so I'm now running in the mornings. Also, it is possible that my face looks clearer but the "glow" might just be my imagination.

Other updates: Heartbeat at 140 bpm! Booked a doula for April. Starting to research car seats but wow, is it overwhelming! Wanting to buy some bumgenius diapers but longingly looking at the little g diapers. Did not think a baby's butt could get any cuter! Made a pact with myself to only buy the following pre-baby: car seat, diapers, pump (maybe). I think anything else will come as needed. I already have a crib from when my nephew was born, a glider handed down from my sister in law, and don't really want to buy a stroller/playpen/swing/high priced items if they're not necessary. I think I'll splurge on a cute outfit once we find out the gender and I have to admit that there are some adorable animal hats on etsy right now. But a tiny baby just won't care whether s/he is in the latest from Carter's or not :)

8 Weeks

Dear Baby,
I had my 8 week checkup with the doctor today which means I got to see and hear you again. Your heart was fluttering on the screen and you were moving around the slightest bit. The doctor kept gushing over how healthy and cute you are and I sheepishly had to ask her which end was your head. I can't wait to see you more clearly in another month.

I am having some vivid boy dreams but feel sometimes that you're a girl. 8 more weeks and we might get to find out. I admit that while I love dressing up little girls, boys usually make me laugh harder. It really is true--we just want a healthy 10-fingered, 10-toed baby.

I think about the things that I want to teach you. Things like selflessness, charity, love for the less fortunate. Things like how to get along with others and how to make friends. I want to teach you to listen to your conscience and how to figure out your own moral compass. And we know you wouldn't be your father (or grandfathers') child without a large dose of financial sense.

I know you will get a solid academic education and if you are anything like me, you'll be reading everything you can get your hands on. So, I don't worry about schooling. I find it immensely more important that you have a great character education. Because neither Daddy nor I can teach you everything about being good (after all, that would mean WE have it figured out), luckily there are tons of people who love you and can pick up our slack.

You have both sets of grandparents who will teach you a love of work and play and what it means to be loved to the point of spoilage. You have cousins who will no doubt lead you into semi-dangerous but exhilarating adventures. You have neighbors who will show you how to be good-hearted to everyone. You will meet friends and strangers and teachers and siblings (hopefully) and I think that's what it comes down to. Community. My mother's wish for you is to be surrounded by a community that is safe and loving. I hope you will have that.

Love love love,
Mama

7 Weeks Stats

Baby Size: TV Remote power button!


Mama Size: Huge boobs (sorry fam!) and a bit of bloating. Couldn't button my skinniest pants but they still fit my legs and butt.

Cravings: Fruit fruit fruit fruit! Beginning to get turned off by other foods. Can tolerate salty carbs but trying to avoid them to bring down the bloat.

Symptoms: So tired...I try to stay up until 9 but usually conk out around 8:30. Wake up at 7 and get sleepy mid-morning and mid-afternoon. Nauseous throughout the day but usually only feel like vomiting at night. Haven't puked yet! I hardly ever throw up though.

Other updates: I'm feeling a bit detached because it seems hard to believe that anything is in there. The blob on the ultrasound does NOT look like a baby :) Excited for my next ultrasound in a week!

7 Weeks

Dear Baby,
You have 17 cousins, 9 girls and 8 boys. Your latest cousin was born this week, early Wednesday morning. I just realized that you two will only be 8 months apart, which seems like a huge gap right now but will shrink as you grow older. I didn't have any cousins near me while I was growing up and love the fact that you will have hordes to play with.

As I held my sweet day-old nephew, I thought about how one day, I'll get to hold you as well. He was so tiny, even at almost 8 pounds. However, the first time I saw you, you were 5 millimeters long so I guess tiny is relative. Apparently by the time I see you next week, you'll be 10 mm! You'll have doubled in size which is just simply amazing.

You gave us a scare last week because I started to bleed and cramp and my poor doctor has to deal with a combination of both a first time and a reproductively challenged mother. She was kind enough to schedule an early ultrasound and so I got to see the first flutters of your heartbeat. Truthfully I couldn't tell what, if anything, was moving, but the technician pointed it out and measured you at 111 beats per minute. Pretty good for a 6 week old.

We are halfway through the first trimester now! Slow but steady
Love,
Mama

6 Week Stats

Baby size: Nut

Mama size: Same as pre-pregnancy, but will bloat at night
Cravings: Hunger pangs have subsided. Crave watermelon and all Korean food
Symptoms: MOOD SWINGS! Peter still thinks it's hilarious because we've determined that they usually come when I'm low blood sugary. Until I eat, I will loudly proclaim my hatred for everything. Slight brown spotting that freaks me out every time. Fatigue--can't wake up properly in the morning. Combine that with my caffeine abstinence and you have one tired girl.
Other updates: I had a dream that the baby came out a blond, funny, friendly little boy. I had another dream that the ultrasound technician said, "Oh my gosh, there are the ovaries!!!" So....weirdly enough, the latter dream was the more realistic one.

6 Weeks

Dear Baby,
It feels like we've achieved a huge milestone--6 weeks and as far as I can tell, you're in there safe and sound. I sincerely hope that my perception of time during this pregnancy will follow a bell curve--slowly at first, then sped up, and I'm sure it will go slowly again towards the end. We are just so excited to meet you.
I had no clue about Korean pregnancy customs, but have had fun researching them. Apparently, to ensure your beauty I must only eat unblemished, whole, beautiful things. So crab=out while perfect fruit=in. Also, after giving birth, I am to drink tons of seaweed soup. The jury is still out over whether I'll actually do that one.
Traditionally, Korean moms-to-be do not exercise at all during pregnancy and do not shower for a month after giving birth (ugh). In fact, for the first 100 days of the child's life, neither mother nor child leave the house. I am pretty sure that I will be able to do that last one. Already I can feel myself rooting with this home and my family.
I pray all the time to God to keep you safe inside me. In two weeks, we will get to hear your tiny heartbeat and maybe then I'll be able to start to make plans for bringing you home.
Love,
Mama

5 week stats

Baby size: BB pellet
Mama size: Same as pre-pregnancy
Cravings: Water and food in general. I'm starving all day long
Symptoms: Peeing constantly, larger boobs (ugh!), and surprisingly, anger! When I am stressed and am hungry, instead of just getting irritable I actually get really mad. Thankfully, I recognize it but poor, poor Peter. He laughs it off now but good grief I don't know if a saint could take 8 more months of this.
Other updates: We went in for a 5 week ultrasound and at this stage, the only thing we could see was a little dark yolk sac on the screen. We will now be released from our fertility doctor and I will start to see my regular ob. She and I have our first appointment at my 8 week mark.

5 weeks

Dear Baby,
You are 5 weeks old as of yesterday and we still can't believe that this isn't just a dream. According to the doctor, you are almost 5 mm large which is both unbelievably small and large, considering that you were only two cells large three weeks ago.

The morning that I took my pregnancy test, I was burdened with the sense of performing a familiar task with an inevitable outcome--negative. Always negative. We tried for so long to bring you into our life and although the scars from that experience are still deep, it is amazing how two lines can bring on voluntary amnesia. After I took the test in the bathroom, I set it flat, just like the instructions illustrated and then went back to bed and tried to count to 180 seconds. I got to about 80 when I gave up and went back to the bathroom. Two lines, clear as day.

I immediately went into a semi state of shock. I grabbed the test and ran back to bed to shake your father awake. I was crying and could hardly get the words out but managed to get through his deep non-conscious dream state. He patted my stomach and mumbled something about smelling pee and smiled....and then fell back asleep.

After he really woke up, we both went through similar emotions. Disbelief, fearfulness, overwhelming joy, relief, worry. And now, a week later, I would say that we're still feeling those emotions even if they've died down a little.

Larger than all of those emotions, however, is love. Although at times you don't feel very real, we love you with the wholeness of our hearts. We can't wait to be with you

Love,
Mama