Baby: Well she is definitely growing. Last night was the first time I felt something pressed up against my ribs. According to the books, she is putting on an ounce a day
Mama Size: Up 30 pounds and according to the books, I should stop gaining weight now. The books suck.
Symptoms: I had a weird one-day episode of feet swelling and I have no idea why. It made me grateful to be heavily pregnant in the spring where the weather is simply beautiful and the heat is not unbearable. Peter thinks I'm nesting like crazy and maybe I am; I do have a ton of energy and motivation to be productive at both work and home.
Other updates: I go in for my 37 week check today but I don't expect any changes from last week. I don't think the baby has started to engage at all.
Last night, my neighborhood threw me a baby shower and it was like the combination of five Christmases and 10 birthdays. I'm not kidding when I say we carried laundry baskets full of gifts into my house. As fun as it was to receive tons of cute outfits (oh the sun dresses! And the tiny socks! And rainbow....RAINBOW LEGGINGS) it was so much nicer to feel loved and supported by the community. The woman in charge of the local church's children's program told me that in the summer, there are usually weekly play dates at the nearby playground and even though her social skills won't be quite up to par by then, I will definitely take as much interaction as I can get.
I forgot to write up my doula story last week so here it is. First, I view a doula as someone who can support myself and Peter during the birth since neither one of us really knows what to expect. That being said, I have strong opinions about not having strong opinions :) What I mean is that I would rather approach labor and delivery with an open mind, an understanding that I will need to be flexible, and a "let's see how I feel at that time" mantra. I have met with my doula twice now and both times have felt uneasy that she is so pro-natural that instead of arguing with my doctors, I will be arguing with her. Sigh. Both times she has looked at me very seriously and asked, "How much do you want this?" (This=going all natural). I was caught off guard the first time she asked me and responded, "Well I definitely would prefer if I could birth that way, but I would be fine if it didn't happen." The second time, just last week, I said, "I would view it as a successful birth if everyone was alive at the end." She said, "Well you know, unless you really want it and have it as your goal, then you could waver during transition and that's when it's almost over." Yes, I know that usually, when the thought of 'I can't do this anymore' comes to mind, that means you're about ready to push. But good grief, if I've been in active labor for more than 13 hours with no end in sight, there is no way she or anyone else will get in my way for rest and pain easement. Then she said something that really bothered me. "A lot of times, if the mom is asking for drugs, I'll ask her to wait another hour, just to see." I told her very clearly, "I don't want you or anyone else to do that." Well I actually meant, except for Peter but he knows that all decision making rests between us.
I talked it over with Peter afterwards and I realized that what bothers me about both the medical establishment and my doula's remarks is this assumption that during birth, they know more about my physical and mental state than I do. I just work better with someone rationally laying out the pros and cons and letting me (and Peter) make the decision instead of pressuring us with emotional tactics. My doctor is very much that way but I'm worried my doula is not.
It is unfortunately too late to hire someone else. When I called her up the first time, I was under the impression that our first meeting was the equivalent of a job interview. Apparently, the first phone call was the interview and setting up the first meeting meant that we were then obligated to pay all the fees. That bothered me at the time and I expressed my surprise, but I felt like I had already agreed to the deal since she told me she had told me on the phone (which she did but it didn't register what she meant).
Ultimately, we can always kick her out of the room but I really think it will be fine in the end. She teaches hypnobirthing so it will be nice to have someone there to remind me to relax, to read some scripts, and whatnot.
Question of the Week: What has been your experience with emotional pressure from medical or lay professionals?
Hmmm...that is strange that she considered a phone call the first meeting. All of the doulas that I interviewed or talked to -- I think about 5 total -- were anxious to meet in person because they felt that that is when you really get a sense of compatibility, etc. Your doula sounds quite different in some of her approaches than the way mine was (mine specifically told us in our first meeting about times when she had encouraged women to accept medication, and that she would do the same in our situation if she felt it was in our best interest if we were okay with that), but hopefully, she will come through in a positive way in the end. For me, I ended up feeling so uncomfortable with the on-call midwife, but completely and utterly trusting my doula, which equaled a basically positive birth experience. For you, maybe you will feel that trust toward your doctor, but not toward your doula, and it will still equal a very positive experience. I hope so.
ReplyDeleteI will say though that even though I think I make decisions in a similar way to you "in real life," there were many points in my labor when it was so intense that I felt like I could not process ANYTHING in my normal way. In those moments, Neal and I looked to my doula and I really do think she knew more about where I was physically and mentally than I did. Although she later told her doula-in-training that my labor was more intense than many (I think as a reassurance since I was the first labor she had attended), I always had a sense that my doula had 10 years of experience that was helping put in context what I was going through. I just often felt so scattered and disordered and barely able to speak -- so not the usual me :)
Same as Lindsay---our first face-to-face with our doula was free, so that is kind of lame you felt financially trapped into the situation.
ReplyDeleteI also had a lot more trust in my doula than my docs (talking about K's birth, here, of course), but my docs were cold-hearted high-risk MFPs. I am annoyed at doulas who are overbearing though, because there was a reputation in my hospital (which was not amenable to natural childbirth or doulas at all) that doulas were really pushy, so I think my doula, who was not the pushy type to begin with, sat back a little more than I would have liked to because she felt responsible for changing the perceptions of doulas. But ultimately, I'm glad she erred on the side of not being too pushy. The whole reason I knew I wanted her is because I felt really comfortable with her calm energy. I didn't feel she made emotional appeals to me---in fact, I was the emotional one and when it came time to choose a C-section, she made voiced some rational arguments which helped me accept it peacefully. So, overall, my experience was really positive. I hope your doula gets on track with where you're at so that you feel you have a good experience when the time comes, but I think it's good you're prepared to get her out of the room if need be.