Baby Size: Apparently gaining an ounce a day. That's quite the feat!
Mama Size: 39 inches around and up 29 pounds. Found stretch marks on the underside of my belly, tried to decide how I felt about them, and went back to eating the rest of our girl scout cookies. Those cursed thin mints and tagalongs are making me mentally adjust how much weight I'm comfortable gaining.
Symptoms: So I've been whining dramatically this whole pregnancy about my poor pelvis and how it has hurt so flipping much and how I would just like to have my child without all these physical pains thanks-very-much. Well it turns out it has been my tailbone this whole time. I don't know what gave my coccyx the idea that it would be fun to pretend to be broken for nine months, but I've been sitting on a makeshift donut pillow (ok, a boppy) ever since I figured it out and ahhhhhhhhh. Blissful painless legs and hips. I am going to a chiropractor next week to get my pelvis checked out before labor and I'll ask them to see if those bones got misaligned somehow. I still get some aches and pains at the end of the day but they all fall under what I'd expect to happen after gaining 30 pounds in my stomach. And fine, butt. Arms. Chest.
Other Updates: Oh the updates. Where to start. I went in for my 36 week appointment and am not dilated but my cervix is starting to soften (40%). The nurse did the GBS test and sent me on my way. It was exciting if uneventful. I know that women can walk around dilated and effaced for weeks or be nothing at all right before labor but the numbers satisfy the data nerd inside me.
Ok onto the rant of the week. I have never been a parent before. I have spent years in school learning about parenting-related topics and then I spent years teaching said topics to other college students. I freely admit my knowledge is academic instead of anecdotal and I keep my mouth shut when talking to mothers. So. This week we took a one-night class from the hospital on breastfeeding. When I used to teach my classes about breastfeeding, I always firmly expressed that we are so lucky to have options and although breast is best in a lot of ways, formula will not make one a bad parent. So that was the first thing that really rankled me about the instructor--she was very dismissive and contemptuous about formula. She then talked about the health benefits of breastmilk and I was with her until she started talking about the intellectual benefits of breastfeeding. The problem is that all the research on IQ differences in breastfed vs. formula-fed children is flawed in serious ways. The biggest flaw is that measuring IQ in infants is based on a lot of assumptions that don't exist for other areas of development. For example, we don't expect children to all be walking at the same time; why should we expect children to develop intellectually on a similar time frame? Also, how exactly do you measure infant IQ? The tests that exist are only weakly, if at all, correlated with adult intelligence. The second biggest flaw is the studies that do show an IQ advantage for breastfed children have a small sample and do not provide enough longitudinal data. The ones that are large and long-term have found that by age 8, there are no intellectual differences between the two types of children.
So I broke my rule of silence. I was mortified because I hate being confrontational but the thought of all these couples feeling as if they would have "dumber" children if they had to formula feed for whatever reason made me feel sick. I tried as politely as possible to explain the research and she even agreed that formula milk now has the same LCPUFA (the chemicals that we know are linked to neurological development) that breast milk has. But she was adamant that breastfed children are smarter.
Peter afterwards whispered to me that he was proud of me but I felt bad and it left me wondering if I was wrong. The only other solution would have been talking to her afterwards, but then the rest of the class would never have heard the other side. I tried to be very friendly and smiling and nodding the rest of the class but I could tell she was unhappy. Oh well, right?
Question of the week: What is it about some parenting methods that turn people into fanatics? I have a doula story that I'll have to save for another post but is it just me, or is the natural movement turning into just another excuse for giving parents unwelcome advice? :)
I'm with Peter, way to go Emily!
ReplyDeleteYou know, it's interesting, because having breastfed K for 14 months and now breastfeeding my second child, I'm pretty into breastfeeding. But, I was just reading the section on breastfeeding in my free copy of "Your Baby's First Year", published by the APA (umm, overall I'm not impressed), and even though technically I agreed with everything they said about the benefits and importance of breastfeeding, I found myself turned off and a little riled up (too sleep deprived to really get riled up) about the way they were pushing it. It's weird because I definitely would say I encourage others to breastfeed, but I felt they went too far. I think part of it is that solely breastfeeding can be very trapping to a woman, which they tend to gloss over (it appears that about half of the contributors are women, but medicine is still a male organization/field). K stopped taking a bottle, and as a picky eater (with food allergies that I discovered around 9 months) that left me with few options. I was determined that E would take a bottle (and that Ry would have more of a role in this aspect of her care), so she gets 1 or 2 bottles every 24 hours (usually during the night shift, which gives me more sleep), and I don't care if I get a little engorged because of it. And I don't even care if it's formula she gets. I pump if I feel like it (more like, if I physically have to), but giving my child ONLY breastmilk and ONLY my nipple was too much pressure for me. I think what really makes me mad is all the pressure to avoid any plastic nipple for the first month. I guess some babies do get nipple confusion, but mine don't. And my post-partum experience with Katie would have been A LOT more positive if I had not been scared of giving her a pacifier, a bottle, and even a little formula in the first few weeks of her life.
ReplyDeleteWhy am I so fanatical about this? Because these issues relate to my sense of personal power and the actual physical pain/discomfort I have had to/currently experience. In general though, I think the rabid opinions come out of us with parenting because they are so closely tied to our values.
And yeah, go you. I'm proud of anyone who helps the public better understand research, both what it tells us and what it doesn't.
The bad thing about pushing only breastfeeding is that it piles on an unnecessary amount of guilt if you are unable to. Plus I've never been a fan of others telling me what I can and can't do.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that I did breastfeed all three of my boys, 13 months on the first, 18 months on the second (I would have gone longer but my mother told me I was gross), and 14 months on the third.
The third one was the hardest. He was a lazy eater, I ended up with mastitis and I almost threw in the towel at eight months. I didn't do it for the health benefits. I did it because I'm cheap and formula is expensive. Oh, and I'm lazy and bottle washing is way too much effort.
I will say that my kids were rarely sick, ear infections were almost non-existent, and I do have smart boys. But I was formula fed and I'd like to believe that I am somewhat of a genius...
Ugh, this ticks me off!! I'm pro-breastfeeding for the health benefits. And the ease. And the bond. And because I want to. However, I wasn't like that with Alli. I breastfed b/c I was broke and formula is pricy. I got sick and had to switch to formula b/c I couldn't BF with the meds I was on and I didn't know I could tell them to give me something else. Plus, I was dehydrated and my milk was nil. When I had to put her on formula, it sucked. I got so much positive reaction because I was breastfeeding, I felt like a failure for not doing so anymore. I got depressed and hated it.
ReplyDeleteWith Cori, I wanted to go a little more natural (just a little). I wanted to breastfeed for a year and never offer forumla. I never offered a paci b/c I didn't feel like breaking the habit in the long-run and I didn't do the bottle at first b/c I wanted to establish my milk supply. She latched on immediately, we bonded, then I became super stressed. It was physically and emotionally taxing on me. We went the 4 weeks, I pumped to try to give her a bottle for when she started daycare...and BAM! Nope. No bottle. She refused. I tried every different kind I could get my hands on. So then, I went from exhausted and stressed to exhausted, stressed, depressed, and angry...I wanted her to take a bottle, I didn't want to ruin our bond. I wanted her to learn to let others feed her, I didn't want her to refuse me. It seriously sucked for awhile. I loved breastfeeding, when I think back on it. But in the moment, it's so stressful. If I had my way, I'd want everyone to at least TRY it. Just try it. You never know. But if they don't...it's not my kid, guys!
And what pisses me off, is that people only tell one side, or exaggerated/inaccurate facts. If you're in a breastfeeding class, I don't feel it's necessary to address the formula aspect UNLESS ASKED. You're there for BFing, but if someone asks, be informed. I think informed decisions are key.
I'm done ranting...and being scattered since I've got a headache.
But I'm so proud of you for speaking up! That's great!!
Yeah, I think it's good you spoke up. I get bothered by the sort of breastfed-babies-can-do-everything-better-up-to-and-including-teleportation arguments. (I think I ranted about this topic on my blog too.) Like with everything, if I had to do it over again I would be less worried about a lot of things, like nipple confusion. I mean, I always intended to pump and have neal feed her bottles (and it worked out well for us) but i think I gave too much heed to worrying about the downsides of our choice. Having said that, I do think that hospitals and medical providers in general do tend to have practices that undermine breastfeeding (but perhaps not your amazing hospital) and thus you have to be really commiteted to make it work. Addison was pretty high on her bilirubin -- had to be in the light kit almost exclusively for about 6 days -- and from the minute they got the blood test results back, it was like the nurses were like "we have to do what we have to do" regardless. That included giving her a pacifier because they came and told us she was crying in the light box. And giving her formula -- I don't even remember them asking because they said she was dehydrated. And the doctor also said we needed to give her formula once we took her home because my milk wasn't in yet. I'm not mad about it or anything because she was ultimately a good nurser and I was a crazy (!) fountain of milk for 13 months, but I know people who wanted to breastfeed and were unprepared for some of the ways that the medical team/hospital would complicate their efforts. And I can see a lot of what they are saying, although sometimes i think if they had done more research they would have known what to avoid, etc.
ReplyDeleteParenting really is a topic that opens up a can of worms on almost every topic, which is precisely why I value some of my friends that I can have conversations with without anyone feeling judged or defensive. When Neal and I decided to cloth diaper, my mother-in-law used to make all these comments about not being self-righteous as if I was judging her for not cloth diapering her kids. And I'm like, get over yourself because I didn't even know you when you were raising your kids and my choices have absolutely nothing to do with you! Nothing whatsoever. Ugh. My mother-in-law's annoying comments are all flooding back. Can you believe she actually told me when Addison was a few months old that I was making a horrible choice that would lead to worse sleep and ill health for Addison because I was having Neal give her pumped BREASTMILK at night. She had this notion, based on ONE like 30-baby study that suggested that mother's breast milk at different points in the day was critical to helping baby's establish sleep patterns, thus milk from the morning would keep A awake all night. Sheesh.